The God Who Sees

El Roi, the Hebrew name for The God Who Sees… The scripture verse that is usually tied to this name is found in Genesis 16:13. The story begins in Genesis 16:1, and it is the type of story that soap operas are made of. Poor Hagar, who simply did what she was told to do, found herself alone in the desert and pregnant. God himself showed up for Hagar, and she is overwhelmed that ‘the God who sees,’ saw her and her plight. He gave her instructions to go back home, then told her what would happen in her life, and her unborn son’s life. How often I wish he would do this for me!

I have never experienced ‘time’ the way I have for the last (almost) three years. Time seems to have flown by since we moved to Alabama, and yet these few years have taken forever to endure. The years following my divorce were grieving years, so all the craziness that transpired is understood, and I give myself grace for that period of time.

But God has seen fit for me to remain completely alone in my thoughts and emotional struggles when I thought I was ready to begin a new life, to start over. Having family around doesn’t ease the loneliness as much as I had hoped it would. The only constant that I have been able to rely on, is my faith in The God Who Sees. The God who sees me. It’s easy to wonder if he is watching and listening, or if he even cares. I have conversations with him daily and was sure my words weren’t going past the ceiling. But the doubt I felt wasn’t in Him, it’s always been in the knowledge of how unworthy I know I am.

I can see (today) that I’m not as ready as I thought I was. I’ve been so anxious about fixing whatever is broken, and the reality is that nothing is broken. It is what it is. He’s been making me face each lonely, uneventful day, with no plans to fall back on. I have been challenged to exist in the here and now, no matter how mundane that may be. And as we all know, life throws curveballs; issues that happen to all of us that caused me to feel like he was pouring salt on an already gaping wound. But he wasn’t. It’s just life.

Having been upset, and yes, depressed over this, the other day I woke up and just realized this is it. This is life. This may be all there ever will be. Then again, I know God has plans for my life, so I need to be patient and strengthen my faith. If this is all there is, can I find blessings and hidden treasures still? Yes, I believe I can.

Blessings,

Lisa Jo